I know a lot of moms work and they seem to handle it just fine. I guess I should handle it better too, but it really is so difficult for me. I am so glad Darryl is finally getting somewhere in school and will be able to achieve his dream. The sad part is that I feel like I am sacrificing mine in the process. All I have ever wanted in life was to be a mother. Now that I am one, I feel so blessed and at the same time so sad that I don't get to be home with my child. I get so jealous of the stay-at-home moms. I would give anything to be one of them. I keep telling myself that it's all temporary and that Darryl will be finished with school in just over a year, but it doesn't bring a whole lot of comfort. Teagan will be a completely different kid in a year. I feel like I am missing out on watching him grow. It's the worst feeling in the world.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Feeling sad today
I haven't posted anything in a while now. This is primarily because I haven't had time, but also because I don't have anything exciting to post. Working full time has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do as a mother. This morning I was singing with Teagan and enjoying the precious little time I have to see him and I taught him a new word! I was excited and so was he. My mom called shortly after and I told her about his new word only to find out that he has been saying it for months now and it was old news. My heart just broke. Here I have been spending so little time with my own son that I haven't been around to see the past several milestones he has reached. He is the most precious thing in the world to me and yet I spend more time with my co-workers than my own family.
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5 comments:
I'm sorry life's got you down today. For what it's worth, I think you are a great mom and Teagan is lucky to have you! When I came over the other day I could see how much Teagan adores you, so you must be doing something right! I know you feel sad that you can't spend as much time with him as you'd like, but you are keeping a roof over his head and food in his little belly. That's a pretty huge accomplishment, not to mention a loving, selfless thing to do.
Its always hard when you feel like you are missing out on everything. You really aren't because you are his entire world. He loves you no matter what because you are his mom. Remember that on the days you feel this way and hopefully it will make it all a little easier.
It is so hard coming home and seeing a different child than the one you left before your shift. I think I missed a year and a half of Glade's milestones, and I want them back so much.
It just doesn't seem fair.
I know he loves you, and you are a great mom!!
Rachelle I know how you feel about leaving him...I had to be away from Elijah during my student teaching and it killed me, but it was worth it in the end and he is still my little guy, and I am his mom that he adores...it doesn't stop the pain right now though. Besides a boy that smiles that big all the time difinitely has a great mom! I also think it is great that not only are you helping your family financially, but you are also helping your child develop a great relationship with his extended family. He is so fortunate to have a grandma that his mom trusts to take care of him and give him the love and attention that he deserves when mom can't. Also, something else that might help is to make it a matter of prayer, and let Heavenly Father know how much it means to you...at the very least He will help you through this time of sorrow, and if not take this burden from you now make it possible that you won't ever have to have this burden again.;) Keep your chin up, you are doing the best you can! That is all anyone can ask from you...even you can't ask for more than that of yourself.
Hi Rachelle,
From the looks of it you are an awesome mother so I'm sure you're being a bit hard on yourself. To Teagan you're irreplaceable and you're doing such a big service in helping Darryl through school. Knowing you things will work out just fine. By the way, when did Teagan get so big?!? The picture at the doctor's office with his head wrapped is heartbraking but so adorable at the same time! You're a lucky Mom to have such a cute little guy!
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