Teagan

Teagan is learning new words everyday. It's funny to hear how impressed he is with himself when he says new things. His latest is calling my mom Diya instead of Grandma. He never really says Grandma to anyone but his Grandma Reita. My mom always felt a bit left out. He calls my Dad and Darryl's Dad Grandpa, but he only says Grandma to Darryl's mom. Well, I guess he thought my mom should be called by her first name, Diana. He can't say it perfectly, so he just says Diya. It's adorable when he calls for her. He runs in yelling Diya! until he finds her. 

He also calls for Lynn now too. He uses the same high-pitched screechy voice my Grandma Larsen uses when she is upset with Lynn. Teagan decided that must be how you are supposed to say it so he yells in this high-pitched voice LYNN! It's really funny. Even my Grandma had to laugh.

We were watching the Utes game at my parents house and Cambria brought over some doughnuts from a new place called Beyond Glaze. They were gourmet doughnuts in lots of different flavors like apple pie, nutmeg, peach cobbler and just about anything you can think of. We had fun trying the different kinds and Teagan especially liked it. Devin went to give him a bite and told him to say doughnut. Teagan chimed right in and said DOUGHNUT! Then he was really surprised at himself for saying it so perfectly on the first try. He has said doughnut doughnut doughnut not stop since then. It never came up before now since we rarely eat doughnuts. Darryl doesn't like them and I just never think to buy them since I am not a big breakfast eater. I think this was his very first doughnut. He thoroughly enjoyed himself. 

If he happened to stop repeating the word endlessly, Cambria would say doughnut and Teagan would start again. It was like Marco Polo. She would say doughnut and no matter where he was, if he could hear her he would yell doughnut back.

That night, I was reading him a bedtime story and decided to mix it up a bit. He insists on reading One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish every night. We usually throw in one or two other books that are always different each night, but this time I decided to forgo the "ISH" book and read ABC's by Dr. Seuss. I just felt like reading that one for some reason. He was almost asleep but not quite to the point where I could stop reading and I got to the letter D and it mentioned DOUGHNUTS! So much for him going to sleep! He sat straight up in bed yelling doughnut doughnut doughnut. He is so proud that he can say that word so well. It was funny.

He is such a sweet little boy. I am so glad I get to be such a big part of his life. He makes me so happy and I don't think it's possible to love him more. I am so proud of all his little accomplishments whether it was learning to walk or just saying doughnut. He is my sunshine, my little lovey, my sweet baby boy. (I call him sunshine and little lovey a lot. I guess I am a nickname person. He already has too many nicknames to count. These are the ones used the most . . . for now.)

Lazy

I blog for a number of reasons. Keeping a journal is one of those reasons. I know I have been complaining a lot lately, but I guess this rain cloud sitting right over my head hasn't budged and writing seems to help. So please, ignore this post. It's merely a therapeutic way for me to blow that cloud away and find a bit of sunshine.

What happened to 2009?! We're in October already and I feel so unproductive. I did such a good job at staying ahead of the game in 2008. I ended the year feeling like I had accomplished so much and that my first year as a mom was a success. I certainly don't feel that way this year. I was completely caught up with Teagan's scrapbook right before Christmas last year, and I haven't done a single page since then! I know that seems like a silly thing to stress over, but I hate for my wonderful memories to end up lost in a computer crash before I ever printed pictures, or did anything with my scrapbook. 

The photo editing software I have for my computer is much more complex than what I am used to and I guess I haven't gotten around to figuring it out yet. I don't feel like I have anything in my life organized and it's driving me crazy. The scrapbook isn't critical. I realize that. There are far more important things to life than having a scrapbook. I suppose it's just a reminder of what I haven't been able to do this year as opposed to last. It's just one more thing on top of laundry, home-cooked meals, family home evening, etc. that I can't seem to get accomplished. I am feeling very unproductive lately.

A better day

After our horrible day, we decided we needed some fun. Teagan's hair was finally long enough for a cut, so we went to Cookie Cutters for his first haircut. They let you pick out a movie and sit in a car and they make it really fun for kids so I thought he might like that. He did like it most of the time. He liked watching Elmo and holding his sucker. He wasn't thrilled but he wasn't upset either. 

Well, I guess the lady took too long because he decided he was finished and started to cry. Luckily she was almost finished. 

After the haircut, we got some lunch and visited a new couple in our ward who just had a baby. Teagan LOVED the baby. He was so happy to think he was helping with the baby so he would bring toys, blankets, burp cloths, diapers, wipes, anything he could get his hands on to the baby. He really wanted to hold her so I helped him. I was surprised by how much he enjoyed being around the baby. It was cute. 

Once Darryl got home, we went to the Hogle Zoo. I was so excited to take Teagan to the zoo. I was especially excited to see the new baby elephant! Elephants are my favorite animal and it was so cool to see a tiny one. 

We were walking through the Zoo and I see this really tall guy pushing a stroller and he looked really familiar. All the sudden it occurred to me that it was Mehmet Okur from the Jazz! It was cool seeing him, but it was funny how out of place he looked pushing a stroller at the Zoo. We thought about asking for his autograph or a picture, but we didn't want to bother him on his day out with his family. 

My favorite animals!

We had to pry him off so another kid could have a turn.

Obviously I was the only one excited about getting this photo.

Riding on the Train at the Zoo.

Despite his nonchalant expression, Teagan loved the carousel. He especially loved waving to his daddy.

Our Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Mere seconds after my "Feeling sad today" post I got news (won't bore you with the details) that just made my day a lot worse. This all happened before I even went in to work for the day. My day wasn't looking so great. There was a bit (a lot) of crying involved. I went from sad to mad to frustrated to confused and just couldn't calm down. I went in to work and tried my hardest to get through the day. Work was the busiest it has been in months and we were just slammed at the pharmacy. I stood before an endless line of angry faces. The customers were upset that the wait was so long and I had been having a horrible day already, but somehow I managed. Then I got a phone call. 

Darryl calls and I greet him with the usual "Hey sweetie" only to be interrupted with "Meet me at the hospital, NOW!" I ask what happened and I am catching key words through nervous mumblings. All I hear is "Teagan fell . . . lots of blood . . . get here NOW." I realize he doesn't have time to explain and I need to just get there. I hang up and race out of the pharmacy to meet him at the hospital. 

I get to the Emergency Room at the same time Darryl does. I get Teagan out of the car and he isn't bleeding but he is completely covered in blood. It was all over his face and clothes, on his hands and down both legs. It was everywhere. His shorts were soaked with blood and water from Darryl cleaning his wound so I took them off so he would be more comfortable. He seemed ok and I didn't want to freak him out by acting strangely so I tried really hard to remain calm. 

We got inside, Teagan seemed happy to see me so I showed him around the waiting room while Darryl explained what happened. He and Teagan were on our bed and to save space we have one side of the bed pushed completely against the wall/window. Since Teagan has been known to take daring dives lately, Darryl kept Teagan blocked in by being on the outside and having Teagan on the side of the bed against the wall. This way Teagan couldn't possibly dive off the bed. Well, Teagan decides to take a dive right for the windowsill instead. He cut his forehead and bled like crazy. Darryl brought him into the kitchen and tried to get the bleeding to stop and realized that he needed help. He went next door to Jeannine and the two of them were able to stop the bleeding and calm Teagan down a bit. 

After checking in, they took us back to a room and put some topical anesthetic on his forehead so he wouldn't feel the shot. They had us sit with the anesthetic on his head for a few minutes and Teagan was in a very happy mood. I was surprised but glad he was feeling ok. We sang songs and he tried to climb on everything! (We didn't let him) Then they came in and said they had to strap him to the papoose board to give him his stitches. That was just horrible.

They strapped him down and he was screaming and crying and just pleading to stop. He kept saying "All done! All done!" It broke my heart. It was horrible for him to be held down like that and have strangers hovering over him sewing his head shut. I tried my best to comfort him by talking to him and holding the only thing I could reach, his foot. I told him I was going to kiss his toes and he just kept crying but I kissed his little toes anyway. He just kept crying, so I stopped and as soon as I stopped holding his foot he lifted it up to me. He wanted to know I was still there. His whole body was shaking as he cried to be all done. I cried a little too. I had to try and stay calm for him and I feel I did a pretty good job. It took quite a while for them to numb the area, clean the wound and sew it shut and he cried the whole time. It was a cry worse than I could have ever imagined. It just ripped my heart out. 

After his stitches were done they unstrapped him and I told him we were finally all done! He loved that and kept saying "all done! all done!" Everyone in the hospital could hear him scream and people kept walking past to see what was going on, so it didn't surprise me when we walked out of the room and people were all stopped and staring. 

A nurse that we hadn't seen before brought over a blanket for Teagan to take home. It's part of the "Project Linus" (The Charlie Brown Linus who always has a blanket) and they give blankets to kids to help comfort them. His has cowboys riding horses and herding cattle. Teagan loved that. He pointed to the horse and did his best neigh, and would point to the cow and say "boo" (It's his cross between a moo and baa that he uses for both cows and sheep) He also got a little stuffed animal dog. He left there traumatized, but ok. It was very traumatic for me too. I hated seeing my little guy suffer. He was scared and hurt and upset and I wished with all my heart I could make it better. 

Darryl felt awful too. He felt like it was his fault, but I know it wasn't. Kids (especially one as daring and crazy as ours) have accidents and he wasn't being negligent. He was right there and it just happened in a split second. It couldn't have been prevented. He handled the situation well and was able to take care of Teagan so I wasn't upset with him at all. It could have just as easily been me who had been right there when it happened. As soon as I find the camera cord, I will post the pictures of his stitches. It's about 3/4 inch cut horizontal across the very center of his forehead. The doctor said it will most likely be a permanent scar :(

After our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day I came home feeling grateful that our family is together, that we will always have each other, that the Lord looks out for us, and that tomorrow will be better. 

Teagan with his stitches and bloody shirt. His pants looked a ton worse. For some reason it all soaked into his pants and not his shirt.

(Did you ever read the kid's book Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day? You should.)

Feeling sad today

I haven't posted anything in a while now. This is primarily because I haven't had time, but also because I don't have anything exciting to post. Working full time has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do as a mother. This morning I was singing with Teagan and enjoying the precious little time I have to see him and I taught him a new word! I was excited and so was he. My mom called shortly after and I told her about his new word only to find out that he has been saying it for months now and it was old news. My heart just broke. Here I have been spending so little time with my own son that I haven't been around to see the past several milestones he has reached. He is the most precious thing in the world to me and yet I spend more time with my co-workers than my own family.

I know a lot of moms work and they seem to handle it just fine. I guess I should handle it better too, but it really is so difficult for me. I am so glad Darryl is finally getting somewhere in school and will be able to achieve his dream. The sad part is that I feel like I am sacrificing mine in the process. All I have ever wanted in life was to be a mother. Now that I am one, I feel so blessed and at the same time so sad that I don't get to be home with my child. I get so jealous of the stay-at-home moms. I would give anything to be one of them. I keep telling myself that it's all temporary and that Darryl will be finished with school in just over a year, but it doesn't bring a whole lot of comfort. Teagan will be a completely different kid in a year. I feel like I am missing out on watching him grow. It's the worst feeling in the world.